People ask me all the time why I focus on teen girls in my posts.
“What about the guys?” they ask. And I get the concern.
We’ve been guilty as a culture of blaming and shaming girls for their sexual decisions. Especially when those choices result in teen pregnancy.
While guys are often let off the hook. Celebrated even for their sexual prowess.
I don’t agree with that kind of thinking.
If we’re going to expect girls to abstain from sex. We ought to expect the same from guys.
That’s what I do in the classroom every day. My mission is to increase the pool of guys that teen girls will have to choose from when they marry one day. Maybe even for your daughter.
How do I accomplish this?
I start by challenging guys to consider their future family’s best interests over their sex interests.
Putting their Future Family First
One of the ways I reach guys is by educating them on consequences that they aren’t aware of…like the fact that guys can’t be tested for the strain of HPV that causes cervical cancer in women.
I tell them that even when they change their behavior they won’t be able to change their history.
Sometimes the consequences of having sex are immediate. Some people get an STD or experience a pregnancy the first time they have sex.
Sometimes the consequences don’t show up until years later. And often when they do, they don’t just affect the person who had sex. They could affect their future spouse and/or future child.
I then walk guys through this example:
“Let’s say you have all the sex you want while you’re a teenager and even when you’re in college. When you turn 25 years old, you decide you’re tired of playing the field. You want to settle down and have a wife and kids. And you’re lucky enough to marry a virgin. A year after you get married, your wife has an abnormal pap smear and later tests positive for HPV. You couldn’t tell her you had it because you didn’t even know. How will you feel about yourself as a man, a husband when you have to watch your wife pay for your past?"
While there are guys who alter their sexual choices based on their personal fear of physical consequences, the bigger motivating factor for many guys in their decision to abstain is their instinctive desire to protect their future wife and kids.
You were really able to change my views on sex. My girlfriend and I talked about everything and we have decided to wait. I have had sex before and I really do regret it. My girlfriend is a virgin and I wish I was. I feel so bad. She may have to suffer someday because of my poor choices. You have helped me out a lot.
I also challenge young men who take my class to be a protector vs. a predator, which I discuss further here.
Believe it or not, teen boys can and will step up when we hold them to a higher standard (abstinence) and help them understand what’s on the line (the well-being of their future wife and kids).
But you showed me that it's not about what I want right now but what I want for my wife and kids later on.
Isn’t that what you’d want in a potential prospect for your daughter to marry one day? A young man who makes his family a priority even now as a teen?
One day my family will be the most important thing in my life, so why wouldn’t my future family be a priority right now?
The Making of Husband Material
I make no apologies for my mission to help expand the potential husband pool for teen girls by educating teen guys about the benefits of abstaining from sex.
Life isn’t a fairytale. We can’t just wave a wand and turn young men into Prince Charming overnight.
And guys won’t develop into “husband material” if we never challenge them to be disciplined. Practice delayed gratification. Be a protector, NOT a predator. Or consider their future family’s best interests over their current sex interests.
I’ve chosen to focus my blog posts on issues I see impacting girls every day because I receive so many letters of regret from girls. And because so many parents of teen girls approach me seeking guidance on how to get through to their daughters.
One of the biggest issues I see with girls is that they don’t believe the kind of guy who will grow up to become “husband material” exists. (I call him the “Best Guy” in my book.)
As a result, girls will settle for a Player or Good Guy.
And the ugly truth is girls who are in the habit of settling as teens grow up to settle as women. I don’t want that for your daughter!
I want her to not only know the difference between a Player, Good Guy and Best Guy, but to know that Best Guys are the ones who grow up to become Husband Material. And that’s who she should wait for.
In the meantime, I’m going to continue to do my part to help expand the pool. ????
One of the ways I'm doing that is through my DVD for boys, The Sex Talk Every Teen Guy Needs to Hear. If you have a teenage son, grandson, nephew or mentee that you would like to help mold into Husband Material, go here to grab a copy today!