About 9 or 10 years ago, I’ll never forget how shocked I was when I received multiple questions from 8th grade girls at a private middle school about the safety of anal sex.
They wanted to know whether they would still be a virgin and whether they could get pregnant by having anal sex.
Fast forward to today and it’s difficult for teens to shock me with any question they ask.
They’re teens. Their brains aren’t fully developed. Which means they don’t always associate the potential consequences with their behaviors.
I do however continue to be shocked when I hear or read about adults encouraging risky sexual behavior, as was the case recently.
Teen Vogue magazine published a disturbing article in its July 7th issue titled, "Anal Sex: What You Need to Know (How to do it the RIGHT way)."
Yes, you read that correctly. An article normalizing anal sex in a magazine specifically written and marketed to teen girls.
In case you don’t have time to read the entire article, the following gives you an idea of what it says:
Anal sex, though often stigmatized, is a perfectly natural way to engage in sexual activity. People have been having anal sex since the dawn of humanity. Seriously, it's been documented back to the ancient Greeks and then some. So if you’re a little worried about trying it or are having trouble understanding the appeal, just know that it isn’t weird or gross.
The anus is full of nerve endings that, for some, feel awesome when stimulated. The opening of the butthole is where the the most nerves are, so you don’t have to put anything that far up there (if you don’t want to) for it to feel good.
How irresponsible. Why would any adult encourage teens to have sex period, much less anal sex?
Anal Sex = Risky Business
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) states, “Anal sex is the riskiest sexual behavior for getting and transmitting HIV for men and women.”
The agency also warns against the dangers of contracting other sexually transmitted diseases, such as chlamydia and gonorrhea, through anal sex, in addition to hepatitis A, B, and C, parasites and intestinal amoebas, and bacterial infections through contact with feces.
The fact is anal sex is risky business.
As concerned adults, we should be discouraging such behavior in our daughters (and sons). Not encouraging it!
Starting with getting to the root of the problem.
The Bottom Line
I don't care what Teen Vogue says, anal sex for teen girls is NOT in style!
The following excerpt is taken from a 4-page letter I recently received from a 16-year-old high school junior.
For our 5-month anniversary, instead of sex, he requested anal. And I initially refused. I did some research about it and most people said it hurt. But when I went over to his house a few days later, we were fooling around and he was like, 'Well we’re already mostly naked, so we should go for it.' And because it would’ve been awkward to say no, I let him do it. And it did hurt. More than I care to admit.
Instead of teaching teen girls how to have anal sex, we should be teaching them how to say “yes” to their future goals and “no” to anything that could hinder them from reaching those goals.
And yes, that includes anal sex.
Our daughters need to know that their bodies deserve to be protected.
That it’s not their responsibility to bring pleasure to guys. Nor are they required to endure pain in the name of “love.”
Letters I receive from girls like the one above, along with countless comforting sessions I have with those who cry in my arms after class, are why I am so furious about this article.
Between interaction with the culture, media and their peers, this year your teenagers will be exposed to one hundred thousand messages about sex. How many of these will come from you? ~Dennis Rainey, President of FamilyLife
That’s why it’s imperative that you are your daughter’s primary source for advice about love, sex and relationships. Not some ill-informed fashion magazine.
If you want to help prevent your daughter from engaging in risky behaviors like anal sex, guess what?
You’re her secret weapon!
Go here to arm yourself with additional resources to empower your daughter to make healthy choices and know that she is more than enough.