What do you think is the main reason teens have sex?
If you’re like most adults I’ve asked, you’ll say, “raging hormones.”
But what students tell me just doesn’t support that belief.
One of the top reasons they tell me they end up having sex?
It’s NOT because sex is planned.
It’s NOT even because sex is desired.
It’s simply because they don’t know how to say NO.
And that has a lot to do with their CONFIDENCE (or lack thereof).
“I lost my virginity at an early age, and I’m not proud of it. I was young, in love, and for whatever reason had trouble with saying no to people. I guess it was because I wanted to make people happy, and that’s why I never told anyone no.”
“I feel that the reason that there are mistakes made is because girls don’t know how to say no. That, or they don’t have confidence in themselves, so they need someone else to tell them the good things about them. In the end, some people use that to their advantage and then the girls get hurt.”
But there’s good news!
Teaching girls how to say NO by building their confidence is a much easier task than trying to figure out how to get them to control their hormones.
“Saying no can be hard, but this class gave me way more confidence of being able to say no.
Thank you!” ☺
“I am so glad you came to talk to the class because thanks to you I made a choice. That choice was to confront my fears and to stand up for myself and say ‘NO.’”
5 Simple Words that Change Everything
So, what’s my secret to empowering girls to say NO to sex when it’s clearly not what they want?
Teaching them these 5 simple words:
NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE.
To be honest? When I first started speaking to teens in the schools, I didn’t teach this.
I didn’t realize how much I needed to.
That was until I started receiving letter after letter after letter of regret from girls who said they were uncomfortable saying NO to sex.
…they were afraid what he would think.
“I feel that this class has helped me a lot. I am one of those girls who is afraid of what they will think of me, and this class has helped with how to say, “No.” Now I’m not afraid to say “no,” and I know how to tell them to stop. Thank you!” ~8thgrade girl
…they thought saying NO would make them appear “mean.”
“This class helps me learn not to let anyone control me. It made me realize that the word “NO” doesn’t mean you are mean. It’s protecting yourself and most of the time the other person asking the question. I will not have sex at an early age. I’m going to concentrate on school and my family first.”
…they didn’t believe they could justify saying NO.
“I thought that giving justification was ok if he wanted to have sex. I now know that no means no and it’s because, as parents would say, ‘because I said so.’”
But as you can see from the quotes above, when girls understand that NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE, it truly does change things!
Still, I get why this might be a foreign concept for many girls.
As a society we’ve taught them to be nice, to be accommodating, to steer clear of conflict, to be a “team player…”
When you think about it, it shouldn’t be that surprising when some girls don’t feel confident saying NO to sex.
That’s why it’s so important to teach your daughter SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO SAY NO.
It doesn’t matter what the person she’s dating thinks.
Saying NO isn’t “mean.”
And she NEVER needs to justify her decision.
Because NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE!
Even if you’re concerned your daughter may not listen, keep reminding her.
The following letter I received from a young lady proves it’s worth it.
“You came to my middle school in my 8th-grade year and I remember thinking when you were talking to us girls about sex, what comes with it and purity, that it was just something I had to sit through. I honestly didn’t listen. Tonight, I was kissing my boyfriend. He wanted to go further and I was uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to say no and somehow, I thought about what you told us. I kept thinking back on what you said and the stories you told. And I got courage and was able to say no. And he told me that it was okay and that he understood, and that he respected me more for telling him than just going along with it. Without what you had told me, I don’t know how tonight would’ve gone.
So, thank you!”
I responded to this young lady’s message and asked her how long it had been since she heard me speak.
She said two years.
I thanked her for letting me know that my words were still with her even when she claimed she wasn’t listening.
And I’m so glad she was able to find the courage to say no as a result of what she heard during my presentation.
You can help your daughter find the courage to say NO too.
Have her practice saying those 5 simple words starting TODAY (whether she’s dating or not).
With practice comes comfort.
With comfort comes confidence.
With confidence comes NO.
And that changes everything!
(Be sure to let me know how it goes.)
PLUS, as a thank you for reading and sharing this blog post, I am giving you a NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE wristband for FREE.
I’m even covering the shipping cost.
Simply send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org with your name and mailing address and it will be in the mail to you soon.
This offer will end at midnight (PST) on April 16th.
These wristbands are NOT for sale. I only give them out at vending events.
So, this is a great opportunity to give your daughter a treat that even girls who take my class don’t get.
One wristband per person please!
Give her the gift of knowledge: That NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE!