There are a number of reasons why teen girls tell me they have sex.
Usually, their reason has nothing to do with their parents, such as to hold on to a relationship, to fit in with peers, to get it over with before college, etc.
But sometimes it’s ALL about their parents. Specifically, to get back at them for being too strict.
Also known as “rebellion.”
So today, for the fourth post of my Let’s Talk TeensÔ Month series, I want to focus on why teen girls rebel when their parents are too strict.
Are You Holding the Soap Too Tight?
I am the first to tell you that teens NEED rules/boundaries. In fact, next week’s post will focus on that.
However, there’s a difference between maintaining healthy rules for your daughter’s well-being and being so strict that she rebels just to spite you.
As one student put it: “The tighter you hold the bar of soap, the farther it will project.”
So Mom, when it comes to your daughter, are you holding the soap too tight?
If the answer is “yes,” chances are she’s going to rebel.
And it doesn’t matter what her weapon of choice is to get back at you. For some teens, it may be tanking their grades. For others, it’s drinking or doing drugs.
“Thank you for coming to talk to our class. I grew up with very strict parents who drilled into my head, all the things I couldn’t do and all the ways I should act. This control led to nothing but rebelliousness and hate for authority. Once I reached high school,
I realized that there was so much more to the world than the box my parents kept me in. From there I started drinking, drugs,
and even sex. Fortunately, I haven’t had to pay the consequences for any of my poor decisions yet, but you helped me realize the seriousness of my choices. Because you came, I’ve started to rethink a lot of my choices and have begun to restructure my life.
Thank you so much for coming and possibly saving my life.”
But from what I hear most often from girls in my class, it’s having sex.
Which is exactly what one young lady shared in a letter that she did when her parents wouldn’t allow her to date at all or hang out with friends.
She went to the extreme just to spite her parents. But as I point out in the video below, when teens like her rebel, their parents’ rules are NOT the real issue.
Click on the picture below to find out what the REAL issue is.
Have Your Rules AND Relationship Too!
Like I shared in the clip, when coupled with a relationship, rules are a good thing for your daughter.
Will she like them? Probably not. She’s a teen after all. 😉
But, when you take time to build a healthy relationship with her, she can at least appreciate that your rules are meant for her good.
NOT to control her, which is how a lot of teens feel.
I also suggest that parents include their kids’ input in establishing rules, and even in what the consequences should be should the rules be broken.
Obviously, you have the final say, but by including your daughter’s input, you’re also giving her responsibility for her part.
Plus, an opportunity to prove she’s capable of handling more independence.
Which is particularly important when it comes to your daughter dating.
So be sure to come back next week when we talk about your daughter and dating boundaries for the final post of this year’s Let’s Talk TeensÔ Month series.
Until then, I have a question for you: Based on your current rules and relationship with your daughter, are you at all concerned about rebellion or promiscuity or neither?
Let me know why or why not by leaving a comment below.
P.S. Please share this post with your FB friends so as many parents as possible will finally get that it’s not about the rules. It’s the relationship.