I’ve heard teen girls say that they love hard or when they fall in love, they fall hard. They say it as if that’s a badge of honor.
What does that mean anyway? Loving hard!
Does it mean that they’ll blindly give their hearts, souls and bodies to their boyfriends, no questions asked?
I have a big heart and I love fast and hard and guys take advantage of that.
That they fully intend to marry their boyfriends one day, and as a result, believe it their sole responsibility or “wifely duty,” to make sure their “husbands” are happy?
Before you came to speak to us, I always had my mind focused on the fact that making a guy happy is all there is to life.
Or maybe “loving hard” means these girls get so emotionally wrapped up in their relationships, that they are unable to cope when something goes wrong or it eventually ends.
In a few of my past relationships I have had sex, and when they ended I felt devastated and empty.
Loving Hard + Sex = A Powder Keg!
I’m concerned when I meet girls whose entire world revolves around their relationships.
Is that healthy at their age, considering there’s only a slim chance that teen relationships will last past their teen years?
Earlier this week I read about the tragic story of an 18-year-old girl in Cincinnati, OH, who committed suicide in her dorm room.
As if that wasn’t tragic enough, the young lady was pregnant. And days after she died, her 20-year-old boyfriend committed suicide as well.
No one will ever really know what drove this young lady to take her own life, although it’s suspected her pregnancy may have had something to do with it.
And we don’t know what was going on in her relationship with her boyfriend.
But this is not a case of some modern-day Romeo & Juliet.
We know something went horribly wrong and sex was a part of their relationship.
Am I saying that the sex caused this young lady to commit suicide?
Of course not.
I am saying that for many teen girls, adding sex to their relationship equation is like striking a match to a powder keg of emotions.
Last year, I had sex with a boy whom I thought loved me…He broke up with me a few months later… After that I became suicidal…He was my first kiss, boyfriend, and love; and I thought nobody else would make me feel as special as he did.
So, what happens is this perfect storm of:
- girls having unrealistic expectations that their relationship is going to last forever;
I gave my ex-boyfriend my virginity because I thought I was going to be with him forever. After we broke up, I got emotional and depressed.
- the media leading them to believe that a relationship is some magic pill or panacea for all their woes and;
I am a hopeless romantic who loves Princess and the Frog and The Notebook and always wanted their relationship goals, but now that I’ve heard you speak I want selfless love. I want realistic love.
- this guy showing up like a knight in shining armor who seemingly fills all the voids in their life (i.e. daddy issues, dysfunctional home, low self-esteem, etc.).
I met a guy and thought he was the one to fix all of my problems. Months after we started talking, I let him have sex with me. Now that I look at it, I feel as if it was because I wasn’t getting the feeling of being wanted. We were not together, but continued to have sex. I had the emotional impact of having sex with him, so to see him with other girls hurt…Now that I've heard you speak, I will never get that caught up on a guy again.
Take that perfect storm, add in sex and the unhealthy emotional attachments that often come with it, then multiply that by a relationship that's temporary at best, and it's no wonder some girls find it all too much to bear.
It’s heartbreaking no one could intervene before the young lady in Cincinnati (or her boyfriend), committed suicide.
I’m so thankful my class served as an intervention for the girls quoted above.
They eventually came to realize that their personal stories didn’t begin or end with some guy they once dated in high school.
Every girl needs this kind of intervention, including your daughter.
Plan an Intervention Now!
Even if your daughter isn’t currently in a relationship, now’s the time to intervene.
- Periodically take your daughter’s emotional temperature. Empower her to take control of her emotions, not the other way around. So, whenever a break-up occurs, she won’t feel like it’s the end of the world.
- Insist on her having a “balanced diet.” Make sure she’s spending quality time with family and friends and not isolated by her boyfriend.
- Be the third wheel. I’m not suggesting that you go out on dates with your daughter and her boyfriend. But I do recommend spending time getting to know him for yourself, as well as observing how he and your daughter interact as a couple.
The best way to protect your daughter from getting caught up in a tragic teen romance, is to make sure she knows her worth in and outside of a relationship.
My book 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You is a great resource to help you do just that!
What steps do you take to gauge your daughter’s emotional temperature, particularly when she’s in a relationship? Please share your response by leaving a comment below.