It Takes Two to Tango: Why Educating Your Daughter is Only Half the Battle
When schools request that I come do an assembly, I’m often invited to only speak to the girls.
I then counter by strongly suggesting that I speak to both the girls and guys.
Why?
Because educating girls about love, sex, and relatinships is only half the battle!
And guys are often just as receptive to my message as girls are, and sometimes more so.
My Equal Opportunity Message
As much as I enjoy seeing the light-bulb go off for a girl or guy in my class, I really love it when I get to talk to couples.
Sometimes both the girlfriend and boyfriend are in my class at the same time.
My boyfriend was also in my class that you spoke in. We went home that night and discussed what we learned.
Other times, the girlfriend takes my class first and then encourages her boyfriend to take my class the next semester.
I can’t wait till my boyfriend takes this class so he will understand. I told him to sign up for Health just so he can hear what you have to say the next time you come.
Either way, I've found it easier for teen couples (and adults for that matter), to make and keep a commitment when they are both on the same page.
Which is why girls say they’re glad their boyfriends heard the same message from me that they heard.
My boyfriend and I both agreed that sex isn’t something we need or should rely on in a relationship. I’m so glad that he was here to hear you speak. This made it a lot easier to talk about the situation with each other.
When you spoke to my class, my boyfriend of eight months was in the same class as me. After you spoke to the class, we talked about our choices for the future. We both decided that if we wait, there will be more positive outcomes for our relationship.
Notice the sense of relief these girls experienced knowing that their boyfriends received the same message they did, and now they’re both on the same page?
Let’s help your daughter experience that same relief.
How to Get Your Daughter and Her Boyfriend on the Same Page
I recognize that the very idea of getting your daughter and her boyfriend on the same page about love, sex and relationships might make you a little nervous.
But we both know she’s worth it! And so is the young man she’s dating.
So where do you start?
1. Talk to your daughter about choosing a partner who shares her values/commitment. Encourage her to only date a person who shares her commitment. Not just someone who is going along with her commitment. And explain why that distinction matters.
2. Meet the guy’s parents and make sure they are on the same page with their message to their son regarding their expectations. If you discover the boyfriend’s parents don’t share your values, it’s time to have a heart to heart with him to gauge where he stands. It’s possible he has different standards than his parents, but not as likely.
3. Order copies of my Dreams, Decisions, Destinies DVDs for teen girls and guys to show to your daughter and her boyfriend. If you’re thinking this would be a lot easier if your daughter and her boyfriend could just take my class, you’d be right. ???? But in all seriousness, my DVDs are the next best thing to my classroom experience. Go here to learn more.
As you read in the letters above, it is very possible for your daughter to have a positive, healthy, mutually-respectful, sex-free relationship with her boyfriend.
The key is to make sure everyone’s on the same page and reading from the same book.
Have you had a heart to heart with your daughter and her boyfriend to discuss expectations for dating your daughter?
If so, how did it go? What worked or didn’t work for you?
Feel free to leave your insights in the comment box below.
