If I had to name the top 5 reasons why teen girls have sex, the absence of a strong emotional connection with their father would definitely make the list.
And I purposely didn’t say the “physical absence of a father” because even when the father is physically in the home, if he isn’t emotionally connected with his daughter, his physical presence isn’t a protective factor.
“When you talked about how the girl looks to a boyfriend for what her father didn’t give her,
it’s totally true. Yes, I have a father in my life; he doesn’t act as one though.”
I shared a Reel on social media about a month ago that has really resonated with people. It has been viewed close to 90,000 times since then.
The Tale of the “Uneven Exchange”
In the Reel, I share this story I’ve titled THE UNEVEN EXCHANGE:
After hearing me talk about the negative impact of an absent father on a teen girl’s dating decisions, a young lady came to me after class to tell me she agreed with what I shared.
“What you shared about girls having sex because their fathers aren’t in their lives is so true. It’s what happened with me; so, let me tell you why I had sex with my ex-boyfriend.
These guys know exactly what to say to you. My ex-boyfriend told me things I had never heard from a male before because my father isn’t involved in my life. He told me I was pretty and made me feel special, which made me happy.
And since he made me happy, I felt like I should do something to make him happy. And what he said would make him happy was sex. So, I had sex with him.”
“Baby, he gave you something he can get in an unlimited amount…words. Probably the same words he gave the last five girls that had sex with him. You gave him something that could cost you your life. That’s not an even exchange.”
Help Your Daughter Even the Exchange
If your daughter’s father is not physically and/or emotionally present in her life, there’s a chance she may have similar feelings as the young lady in the story above.
She may be starved for affirmation, validation, and/or affection that should have come from her father.
If that’s the case, you may need to give her a double dose of your affection, affirmation, and attention.
Remind her of what makes her special and worthy of receiving the kind of love that will put her best interests above her boyfriend’s sex interests.
Am I suggesting a mother can take the place of an emotionally-connected father in a teen girl’s life?
Not at all.
I have witnessed time and again how important fathers are to a young woman’s positive development, especially when in terms of how she views and values herself in and outside of a relationship.
But in the absence of a strong emotional connection with your daughter’s father, I am suggesting you do what you can to fill in the gaps as best you can.
And lean on trusted, positive male influences when possible.
Now I know I have some dads who receive my emails.
If that’s you, I commend you for your dedication to not only empowering your daughter to be her best self, but bettering your relationship with her.
If you do nothing else, make sure you’re emotionally connected with your daughter even if you’re not physically present.
Show her what real love looks like so she doesn’t have to look for it from others.
Affirm her and make her feel special so she won’t feel obligated to give her body in exchange for flattering words teen guys may tell her to make her feel special.
Whatever your daughter’s situation, please share this email and/or video with her so she doesn’t fall victim to the “uneven exchange.”
P.S. Fathers play an important role in a teen girl’s development towards becoming a healthy and whole adult woman who knows her worth in and outside of a relationship. I wish every girl had a strong emotional connection with her father whether he’s physically present in the home or not. But if your daughter doesn’t, please show her this email/video to help her understand and avoid the dangers of the “uneven exchange.”
P.P.S. Please share this post with every parent of a girl so we can equip as many young ladies as possible with truth that can help save them from low self- esteem, unnecessary heartache, and unhealthy relationships.