Why Educating Your Teen Daughter About Sex is Only Half the Battle
When schools/organizations request that I come do an assembly, I’m often invited to only speak to the girls.
I then counter by strongly suggesting I speak to both the girls and guys.
Because guys are often just as receptive to my message as girls are, and sometimes more so.
And because educating girls about love, sex and relationships is only half the battle!
My Equal Opportunity Message
As much as I enjoy seeing the lightbulb go off for a girl or guy in my class, I really love it when I get to talk to couples.
And sometimes both the girlfriend and boyfriend are in my class at the same time.
“My boyfriend was in my class also that you spoke in. We went home that night and discussed what we learned.”
Other times, the girlfriend takes my class first and then encourages her boyfriend to take my class the following semester.
“I can’t wait till my boyfriend takes this class so he will understand. I told him to sign up for Health just so he can hear what you have to say the next time you come.”
Either way, I’ve found it’s easier for teen couples to make and keep a commitment when they are both on the same page.
Which is why girls say they’re glad their boyfriends heard the same message from me that they heard.
“My boyfriend and I both agreed that sex isn’t something we need or should rely on in a relationship. I’m so glad that he was here to hear you speak. This made it a lot easier to talk about the situation with each other.”
And it’s not just girls who are glad their boyfriends heard me; guys are grateful when their girlfriends have heard me as well:
“Your words inspired me to become a great guy. You helped me understand what love really is. I didn’t really think sex was a big deal. My girlfriend also heard you speak, and she was touched. We talked about everything you spoke about, and we both agreed to stop having sex. I told her to give me the chance to fall in love with her and not her body. You helped me realize my worth and made me see my value. I thank you so much for educating me on more than just sex. Thank you for helping me remember what a boy must do to become a man.”
Notice the sense of relief the girls experienced knowing their boyfriends received the same message they did?
And notice how hearing the same message opened the door for further discussion among these young couples about what’s best for them as a couple and individually?
That’s the kind of relief you want your daughter to experience with her current and/or future boyfriend(s).
How to Get Your Daughter and Her Boyfriend on the Same Page
I recognize how the very idea of getting your daughter and her boyfriend on the same page about love, sex and relationships might make you a little nervous.
But we both know she’s worth it! And so is the young man she’s dating.
So where do you start?
1. Talk to your daughter about choosing a partner who shares her values/commitment. Encourage her to only date a person who shares her commitment. Not just someone who is going along with her commitment. And explain why that distinction is important.
2. Meet the guy’s parents and make sure they are on the same page with their message to their son regarding their expectations. If you discover the boyfriend’s parents don’t share your values, it’s time to have a heart to heart with him to gauge where he stands. It’s possible he has different standards than his parents, but not as likely.
3. Order a copy of my new book for teen guys: The Truth About Sex: Real Stories for Teen Guys Like You. If you’re thinking this would be much easier if your daughter and her boyfriend could just take my class, you’d be right. But in all seriousness, my book is the next best thing to my classroom experience.
If you missed last week’s post where I shared details about the book and launch event go here.
As you read in the letters I shared above, it is very possible for your daughter to have a positive, healthy, mutually respectful, sex-free relationship with her boyfriend.
The key is to make sure everyone’s on the same page and reading from the same book. 😉
A father told me whenever his teen son got a new girlfriend, he would give the young lady a copy of my 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You book to read.
It was his way of protecting both her and his son.
I think that was a great idea, and something you may want to consider as well.
What if you purchased a copy of The Truth About Sex and had it on hand to give to every guy your daughter dates?
And if one of her dates wonders why you gave it to him, you can tell him it’s your way of protecting both him and your daughter.
P.S. Even in 2022, society still puts more emphasis on teaching sex-ed to girls than boys, and especially when it comes to waiting. I wrote a book just for teen guys to change that narrative. And also, so your daughter won’t have to worry about convincing her boyfriend to buy into the message she received from reading my book for teen girls. With The Truth About Sex: Real Stories from Teen Guys Like You, they can both get on the same page of making best choices for themselves individually and as a couple.
P.P.S. Please share this post with any parent you know who has a teen daughter (or son). Even if they’re not currently dating, this is a timely message they’re going to need sooner or later.