How to Help Your Teen Daughter Make Valentine’s Day “Special” Without Sex

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This time every year, teens (like adults), gear up to celebrate Valentine’s Day with the person they love. 

They buy cards, chocolate, teddy bears, balloons and flowers. 

They plan a romantic evening that may include dinner, a movie, and yes, even sex. 

In fact, I remember one time when a young lady approached me after class because she wanted to take one of my pledge cards, but didn’t want it to be “activated” until after February 14th. 

Her plan was to wait until AFTER she had sex with her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, before she started practicing abstinence. 

“I am a senior and while you were here you told me exactly what I had gone through and how to stop it. I asked you about becoming abstinent after Valentine’s Day because I felt as though sex is the only thing that would make Valentine’s Day special.”

Sex is Not the Gift. She is!

I can’t tell you how many letters I’ve received from girls who told me they were planning to have sex to show their boyfriends how much they love them or to make them happy. 

As if sex is the only way to prove their true feelings or the gift that keeps on giving. 

It’s not!

I made it clear to the young lady that either she wanted to abstain or she didn’t.  

If she used Valentine’s Day as an excuse to have sex, she’d use another excuse to justify the next time she wanted to have sex. 

I also reminded her that she was the prize!  

If her boyfriend truly loved her, spending quality time with her on Valentine’s Day was “special” enough.

Thankfully, she got it.

“…you made me realize there’re other things we could do. I am worth more and you made me realize it. My boyfriend also accepted the pledge card and after I told him everything you told me, he decided to do this with me.”

Now let’s make sure your daughter gets it too. 

Steer Her in the Right Dating Direction!

Just like you wouldn’t send your teenage daughter off to drive without preparing her to handle the road, you likewise shouldn’t send her out to date without preparing her to handle the dating scene. 

When she knows better, she’ll date better! 

So, what should you do?

Remind your daughter that sex is NOT a requirement to make Valentine’s Day or any other occasion “special.” 

Nor is it the only way to express her love for her boyfriend, as I write about in greater detail in the first chapter of my book, 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You: A Teen Girl’s Guide on Love, Sex, and Relationships.

There are plenty of fun activities your daughter and her boyfriend can do together to celebrate Valentine’s Day that don’t involve sex, even in the midst of a pandemic.   

  • Have a socially distant romantic dinner at a restaurant with heated outdoor seating.
  • Go on a guided virtual tour of a museum in another city. 
  • Send flowers or chocolate candy.
  • Come up with personal clues and plan a virtual Valentine’s Day scavenger hunt.

And don’t forget to help your daughter come up with a plan for how to avoid temptation, such as no toasting their love with alcohol and absolutely no hanging out while home alone.

The more you prepare your daughter before she begins dating, the better choices she’ll make while she’s dating. Even for special occasions like Valentine’s Day.

P.S. With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, it’s important that every teen girl knows sex is NOT required nor recommended to make the occasion “special.” Please help me get the word out by sharing this post on your social networks. As always, thank you and have a Happy Valentine’s Day!

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