“When a girl’s first date is with her father,—Author Unknown
all other men must measure up.”
But what happens when a girl’s father is not actively engaged in her life?
She often makes poor relationship choices, becomes sexually active at a young age and spends much of her time questioning why her father didn’t love her enough to want to be a part of her life.
A teen girl tells us why:
We were discussing “daddy issues” in class one day and a young lady gave the following explanation as to why many girls make poor relationship decisions, don’t always demand to be treated with respect, or even recognize their own value:
“A father sets the bar on how girls expect to be treated. Girls know their fathers are supposed to protect, love and cherish them. When fathers aren’t there for them in that way, some girls tend not to expect that from the guys they date. They figure if their own fathers don’t protect, love and cherish them, maybe it’s because they don’t deserve it.”
I think there’s a lot of truth to her observation.
But I also think some young ladies make poor relationship and sexual decisions simply because they want to feel loved.
Looking for love in all the wrong places!
I can’t count the number of times I’ve read a letter from a girl who said the reason she had sex for the first time was because the boy was the first male who made her feel special.
In a healthy society, a girl’s father would be the first male to make her feel special.
Unfortunately, we don’t live in a healthy society.
As a result, we have young ladies who are running into the arms of boys expecting the boys to give them validation, acceptance and value when that’s not the boys’ responsibility.
“My father has always been around but is very unsupportive of me. We argue a lot because he feels I’m not the daughter he wanted. We talk, but not very much. I feel that’s the reason I do the things I do because I’ve always kind of wanted to be loved and accepted by a male figure.”
And many young ladies who do become sexually active in order to gain acceptance and validation from a guy don’t even realize the real reason for their actions until it’s brought to their attention.
“I also have had father issues my whole life. That makes me look for love in all the wrong places now. After listening to everything you said, I feel like I now know why I did certain things in life. The reason for my wrong choices never really hit me until you came…I thank you so much for speaking with us and inspiring me to change for the better. If there is another girl out there like me, I hope she will hear your messages before she makes the wrong choices.”
Reaching all the girls out there who are dealing with “daddy issues” before they make wrong choices (as the young lady suggests), sounds good.
But doing so only treats the symptom. Not the real problem.
Which is why I’m passionate about helping fathers understand their importance in their daughters’ lives.
Particularly when it comes to the decisions their daughters make regarding love, sex and relationships.
The truth is: Dads have more influence than they think.
How fathers help keep their teen daughters from becoming sexually active:
- Fathers provide the love and validation every girl longs for so she doesn’t have to seek love and validation from another male.
- The teenage girl who has a good relationship with her father AND knows that her father disapproves of her being sexually active is more likely to refrain from sex to avoid disappointing her father.
- Engaged fathers “school” their daughters about what the average teenage guy is thinking. They also educate their daughters on the manipulative things some guys will do just to get what they want.
My message to fathers
First, I say to all the dads out there who are present, engaged and caring: You are setting the standard for how your daughter should expect to be treated by a young man.
As a result, she’ll be much more likely to walk away from any guy who doesn’t respect her.
Don’t stop doing what you’re doing, because it works!
Second, to all the fathers out there who are absent, dismissive or harsh I say: You are setting your daughter up to be “picked off” by the first young man who comes along and tells her she’s pretty and makes her feel wanted.
She’ll be like putty in his hands.
But it’s not too late to turn things around. Your daughter needs you now more than ever!
Here’s what fathers can do:
- Make sure you’re present (not just physically, but emotionally as well), in your daughter’s life to model what REAL love looks like.
- Show her that she deserves to be protected and cherished by any young man who wants to be in her life. Be her first date!
- Click the video below to check out my interview with Praise 102.5 FM radio host, KD Bowe, to learn the 4 things every girl needs from her dad.
My message to mothers
My advice to you?
If your daughter’s father is not in her life, share this post with her father and appeal to him to step up in order to protect his daughter from making poor relationship/sexual decisions.
If it’s not possible for the father to be in the picture, find another older male WHO YOU CAN TRUST (older brother, minister, uncle, etc.), to educate your daughter from a male perspective on this issue.
Here’s what else you can do:
Education is key and knowledge is power!
So, supply your daughter with resources that will encourage, equip and empower her to realize her full potential.
Even if her father isn’t actively engaged in her life.
1. Share this post with your daughter and make sure she watches the video I created for daughters below.
2. And if you haven’t already, get her a copy of my book 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You. Not just because I purposely included a chapter in the book for girls struggling with “daddy issues” (Secret #6).
But because when girls get a hold of these “7 Secrets,” the light bulb often clicks on. They’re finally privy to honesty and transparency about love, sex, and relationships. And having that knowledge changes the way they view themselves.
For the better!
“This is an amazing book! 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You not only encourages girls like me to choose celibacy, but also to gain enough respect for ourselves that we command it from others. It reminds us that we are priceless, and should never settle when it comes to decisions about love, sex and relationships.” –16-year-old girl
This young lady’s testimonial further proves that knowledge is power.
Order 7 Secrets for your daughter today!
My message to daughters
This Sunday is Father’s Day.
Many daughters will spend time this weekend honoring and celebrating their dad for his unconditional love, support and presence in their life.
If that’s your story, you are so blessed! Enjoy your time with your dad and continue to cherish the memories you make together.
Yet, many other daughters will spend time this weekend wishing they had that kind of relationship with their father.
If that’s your story, you are not alone!
Check out this video I created to help you get through this weekend and the weekends to come.
Always remember: You ARE worthy of a father’s unconditional love!
P.S. Not having a healthy relationship with her father can negatively impact how your daughter feels about herself, as well as the decisions she makes regarding love, sex, and relationships. So it’s critical that you provide her with information that will encourage, equip and empower her to choose wisely in these areas. The kind of information I share in the classroom every day and now in my book 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You. Order your daughter’s copy today!