My Advice to a Girl with Boy Troubles and Parent Drama—Part 1
When teen girls reach out to me seeking relationship advice, it sometimes feels like pulling a loose string on a knit sweater.
The more questions I ask, the more their issues unravel.
And I realize that the relationship is merely one part of the problem.
Which was the case recently when a young lady contacted me on Instagram because she was sad about the state of her relationship with her boyfriend.
But her relationship with her parents turned out to be the real tear jerker.
Check out our conversation below.
Teen Girl:
Hey Jackie! You taught sex-ed to me in the 8th grade and I’m a freshman in high school. I need some advice from you regarding relationships.
My response:
Hey, what’s going on?
Teen Girl:
I’m so glad you responded. So, I’ve been in this relationship with this guy for about three months now. We were always happy and cheerful until one day his life got extremely hectic and it still is right now. He’s been very quiet lately. He actually broke up with me and quoted, “I’m too stressed out. I need time.” But then hours later he got back together with me. We are glad to have one another back…but we are still kinda off… I know we are both young…I’m 14, he’s 15, going on 16 soon. I have been very sad and depressed lately because I feel like he doesn’t care, which is stupid because it’s a guy. I just would like to know what you would do in this situation.
My response:
Hey! You admitted that his life is extremely hectic right now. If you really care about him, you wouldn’t want the stress of the relationship to further complicate his life. And you’re way too young to expend that amount of energy being sad and depressed about somebody who is only temporary in your life anyway.
Teen Girl:
You’re right, the thing is…I want him to not be in a relationship, but at the same time, I’m selfish and want to be with him.☹
I can’t tell you how many girls I talk to who view their relationship like it’s their EVERYTHING.
Then when it doesn’t work out, they feel like they’ve lost EVERYTHING.
Which is what this young lady seemed to think.
My response:
Why do you want to be with him so badly? Cause he’s cute? Being in a relationship seems so important to you right now. One day you’ll look back at this time and laugh at yourself for being so emotionally invested at this age.
Teen Girl:
I know I will and I hate that I have two sides to my emotions right now. Cause I wish I only had one.
My response:
LOL! Welcome to the world of being a teenager without a fully developed brain, so your decisions are being made based on hormones and emotion. The fact that you recognize that is a good thing. I don’t want you to run him off because you come across as selfish.
Teen Girl:
Yeah, I’ve also been very sad lately…like crying every day sad!
My response:
Crying about him?
Teen Girl:
Yes, and because I feel alone. I don’t ever socialize with my mom and step-dad. I don’t feel at home.
And so, the unraveling began…
This young lady was so upset over her relationship with her boyfriend, she couldn’t see that her relationship with her parents was a much bigger issue that needed to be addressed.
Stay tuned next week to find out how our conversation took a turn when we delved into her issues with her parents.
Spoiler alert: There’s more boyfriend drama.
And that’s why I strongly urge you to have ONGOING, open-ended discussions with your daughter about relationships. Especially if she’s dating.
Speaking of—when was the last time you talked to your daughter about healthy relationships? What did you two discuss?
Leave your comments below. I’d love to know how your conversations are going.
