You’d be surprised by the kind of questions I receive from teen girls seeking advice on love, sex, and relationships.
Questions that reveal just how flawed their thinking can be regarding these topics.
How desperately many want to hold onto their relationships, even at their own expense.
And how much they need the wisdom and guidance of caring adults to equip them to make healthier choices.
Much like the letters I’ve shared with you from teen girls, these questions offer a glimpse inside the world of teens that many parents rarely get to see.
But I believe it’s important that you do.
Not only so you’ll know the thought process of many girls today regarding love, sex, and relationships.
But so you’ll be prepared to answer questions your daughter may have.
And I’m here to help!
My Teen Girl Q&A Session on Relationships
I believe moms like you are best equipped to give your daughters relationship advice, which is why I always suggest that girls talk to their mothers.
Still, I’ve found that some are reluctant to go to their moms because they’re afraid of what their mothers’ response will be.
So they come to me. Like the 8thgrade young lady below who messaged me on Instagram seeking relationship advice.
But what many girls who reach out to me don’t realize, and this young lady discovered is—while it may seem easier to come to me than their mothers, my advice to them is still “mom-approved.”
Check out the Q&A session this young lady and I had on Instagram.
(Note: Our dialogue has been edited to omit personal details and protect her privacy).
Hey Ms. Jackie,
When you came to speak last week at my school it changed my perspective on things and taught me what a healthy relationship is. I want to tell you about my problem and ask for some advice.
Well, there is this guy, Alex (not his real name), and he is my ex. Six months ago, we broke up because he couldn’t focus on football and school and he thought it was best to be single.
It hurt me when we broke up, and I heard that while we were dating he was talking to another girl at the skating rink and I told my mom. Ever since that day, she hasn’t liked him because she thinks he cheated.
He told me what really happened and I believe him. It was totally innocent. Now, we both want to get back together and my mom won’t let me date him.
I love him! Like I really do love him, and it’s not just ‘puppy love.’ I’ve never felt this way about someone. I don’t know how to change my mom’s mind and I need some help. I really do want to be with him and I haven’t been able to be happy ever since we broke up.
I really need some advice on what to do!!
Hello, I’m so glad you learned some things in my class that will help you make good choices when you date.
In response to your problem, I’m concerned about the amount of time and energy you’re expending stressed out about someone whom I doubt you’ll be dating in a year, even if you do get back together.
And, if you really care about Alex so much, why can’t y’all just enjoy each other as friends? A friendship would probably last longer than a relationship anyway.
You said that you’ve never felt this way about anyone else before. Well, you may never have loved anyone before the way you love Alex, but that doesn’t mean you’ll never love anyone in the future as much as you love him. You’re too young to think/know that he’s your one and only love.
You also said you haven’t been able to be happy since y’all broke up. You’re too young for your happiness to depend upon whether you’re dating a person or not. If you can’t be happy alone, you’ll never truly be happy in a relationship.
And don’t you want the person that you date to be with someone who is already happy, and not someone he had to make happy by being with her?
You’ll make a much better girlfriend when you’re not depending upon anyone else to give you your happiness, value, etc. Guys have a way of sensing that need and those relationships feel like work to them.
They don’t want that responsibility (of making someone happy) to fall on their shoulders. They prefer dating girls who don’t NEED them. Trust me, NEEDY is not an attractive trait.
Do you remember why Alex broke up with you in the first place? In order to focus on football and school. I think it was smart of him to put his sports and education first.
My suggestion to you would be for you to focus on those things that will help you become successful as an adult. And guess what? That’s not a relationship. It’s your education.
Hope this helps!
Thank you so much! I really needed to hear that so now I know how to better myself before any relationship.
What you can do
If you’re like me, the fact that this young lady is only 14 years old and feels this way, is concerning.
Relationships require time and energy and it’s definitely not worth it in middle school.
Or in high school, if your daughter has a similar thought process about relationships.
Feel free to share this with her as a teachable moment.
Your daughter may not be able to relate to this young lady’s situation, but I’ve found that these real-life case studies can go a long way in encouraging girls to make better choices.
And I know that’s “mom-approved.” 😉
Now it’s your turn. What was the last Q&A session you had with your daughter on the topic of love, sex, and/or relationships? And what was the outcome?
Leave your comments in the box below. Also, I’m thinking about making my Q&A sessions with teen girls a monthly feature. So let me know if that’s something you’d like to see.
P.S. If your daughter doesn’t come to you for advice about love, sex, and relationships, and you’re concerned about where she’s getting her guidance from, put your mind at ease and grab her a copy of 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You: A Teen Girl’s Guide on Love, Sex, and Relationships. Better yet, read it together!