In the introduction of my book, 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You: A Teen Girl’s Guide on Love, Sex, and Relationships, I present what has become a novel concept about the three types of guys that girls will encounter: the Player, the Good Guy and the Best Guy.
1. The Player—He doesn’t care about the girl and just wants sex.
He says all the right things, leads her to believe he cares, wins her heart and moves on after he’s gotten what he wants.
…my number one goal was to have sex and to get it as quick as possible without putting in any work. Sometimes it would take me a day, sometimes it would take me two weeks: two weeks was the most amount of time I would spend talking to the girl before I moved on if she didn’t have sex.
2. The Good Guy—He truly cares about her, but may still want sex.
He has no intention of ever hurting her in any way. He doesn’t pressure her for sex. As a matter of fact, he allows her to decide when she’s ready. Unfortunately, the media may have conditioned him to equate sex with love, so he may believe the only way to express his love for her is through sex.
Before I heard your lecture, I thought sex was the only way to show your girl ‘love,’ but protecting the girl to show how much you love her is what I learned from you. Now I know if I really love her I will do what’s best for her and stop having sex.
3. The Best Guy—He loves her so much that he will do what is best for her.
He’s the guy who has dreams and goals and doesn’t want to take part in any activity that would cause him to risk not reaching them. He also wants to protect her dreams and goals just as much as he wants to protect his own. He would refuse to have sex with her even if she tried because he wants to protect her even when she won’t protect herself.
I’m a month from being 17, and I’m still a virgin. I have chosen to be a virgin ‘til marriage because I respect women too much to harm them in any way. I have been in one serious relationship in which my ex told me ‘any time you want it just ask.’ I had to tell her no and I did not get into this relationship for sex. I hope this letter gets out to the girls you speak to because I want them to know that all guys aren’t bad.
Most girls want to believe their boyfriend is the Good Guy, because—let’s face it—what girl would knowingly date the Player? And unfortunately, many girls don’t believe Best Guys exist.
The enemy of best is not bad. The enemy of best is good!
Throughout the book, I challenge girls to not settle for a Good Guy when they could have a Best Guy. I also break down how each type of guy relates to each of the secrets by providing real life case studies, quotes from guys and stories from the classroom. Girls are not only encouraged to assess the kind of guy they’re currently dating, but also are equipped to recognize red flags in potential suitors. It’s been my experience that when girls know better, they’ll date better!
The Thing I Never Saw Coming
I discuss these three types of guys in my classroom presentation as well, which often inspires girls to raise their standards:
I thought I would only be able to find a Good Guy, but now I know the Best Guy does exist so I will look for one.
To my surprise, the discussion doesn’t just impact girls’ choices, but also challenges guys to not settle for being a Good Guy, as evidenced by the young men’s letters below:
The Player, Good Guy and the Best Guy thing you told us really made me want to be that 'Best Guy,' and that’s what I am planning on becoming/being in the future.
Your words inspired me to become a Best Guy. You helped me understand what love really is. I didn't really think sex was a big deal. My girlfriend also heard you speak and she was touched. We talked about everything you spoke about and we both agreed to stop having sex. I told her to give me the chance to fall in love with her and not her body. You helped me realize my worth and made me see my value. I thank you so much for educating me on more than just sex. Thank you for reminding me what a boy must do to become a man.
Letters like the ones above explain why some mothers are even purchasing my book for their sons.
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So, which type of guy does your son most resemble based on his current dating behavior?
And/or, which type of guy is your daughter most likely to choose?
If you can’t answer either question with certainty to your liking, I invite you to get a copy of the book here. This is a MUST read for any teen who can benefit from this knowledge and more.