For years parents have sought my advice on how to talk to their kids about sex. Some have even asked me to have “The Talk” with their kids on their behalf. There was no way I could physically speak to every child whose parent(s) requested, nor would I want to rob any parent of having an open and honest dialogue about sex and relationships with their child. However, I recognized that many parents were clueless about how to even begin the conversation. Thus The Sex Talk Every Parent Should Have DVD was born.
I have already received encouraging feedback from parents who have purchased the DVD and begun implementing some of the effective strategies that I share from my 13+ years of experience as a Sex-Ed teacher. One mom in particular blew me away with her testimonial. I could not wait to share the creative ways she has utilized my DVD with her son, and the positive changes they are both seeing as a result. Continue reading for Part 1 of a two-part blog post, as this mom (who wishes to remain anonymous), walks you through her six steps to having an impactful Sex Talk with her son.
Take “The Talk” One Step at a Time
1. Have a DVD Viewing Party
I had two viewing parties with my son and a few of his close friends, who were all the same age. Their parents were included. After each viewing, we had an open discussion about the DVD. My son shared the positive impact the DVD had on him. One thing he said that I was grateful for was, “Mom, when I heard the real people it got my attention.” The “real people” he was referring to were the letters from teenagers. God pointed out to me that the message became “real” for my son when he heard their letters. Even though I had told him the same things, he identified with the other teens.
After seeing the DVD a second time my son decided, with no prompting from me, to have a “no-sex-before-marriage” pact with some of his close friends. And he has done just that! Viewing the DVD as a family and/or with friends will be a regular practice for us. There’s so much on the DVD to consistently reinforce.
2. Initiate Open Dialogue
I initiate more conversations about how “right-now” decisions have a “future” impact. I also remain open and ready for his questions. They can be doozies at times, but I stay ready. ☺
3. Ask Son for His Expectations of Me as His Parent
I asked my son for a list of expectations he has/wants from me as his parent. I told him to write whatever he wanted or needed from me – and he did. I looked over the list and everything was reasonable. I made a promise to him to meet those expectations. I have the list posted on my bedroom door as a reminder of what he wants from me and to send the message to him that I am listening and that he is valuable to me. I remember from your DVD that the teenagers felt disconnected from their parents. They needed things they weren’t getting from their parents. I don’t want to be in the dark about my son’s needs, so I ask. His wholeness is important. I am a single parent. My son’s father is absent from our lives. So, I will do whatever is necessary to help my son experience all God has for him.
The Number 1 expectation on my son’s list is: “Let me finish my statement before you respond.” Now, when he is talking to me, I purposely cover my mouth with my hand until he is finished and gives me the signal that he is done, and I can speak. It’s working. I’ve had a few slips, but he does acknowledge that I am making progress.
Do Try This at Home!
I hope you’ll come back next week to read Part 2 of A Real Mom’s Guide to Having the Sex Talk with Her Son, when I’ll share this mom’s final three strategies for effectively utilizing The Sex Talk Every Parent Needs to Have with her 13 year old son.
In the meantime, I encourage you to pick one of the mom’s methods above that you think might work with your own child, and give it a try. If it works for you, great! I’d love to hear about it. Or, if you have purchased the DVD and found other ways to utilize it with your child, I would love to hear about that as well. Please leave your comments below.