3 Top Mistakes Parents Make with their Child and Porn!
In my last post, I shared a very enlightening interview I conducted with a Youth Pastor at a large, prominent church in the metro Atlanta area. He shared what he has observed with the youth at his church as it relates to pornography. Today is Part 2 of that interview. If you have not already read the first part of the interview, I would encourage you to do so.
Jackie: Based on your experiences, what is the biggest mistake that parents make when it comes to teens and pornography?
Youth Pastor: I can think of three mistakes that parents make!
Mistake #1: Assuming that pornography is not a struggle for their child.
I will tell you even as a Youth Pastor, the temptation is there. I would venture to say that there is not a teenage boy or man who doesn’t have to deal with the lust of the flesh. Actually, it’s not just teenage boys, but girls as well. I will admit that the temptation is stronger for some than others.
There is a very strong possibility that their child will be exposed to it. If their child hasn’t been educated about what to do when they do come across it, their natural instinct and curiosity will likely cause them to go back.
Mistake #2: Not understanding the importance of accountability.
I often hear parents say, “Well, my teenage son needs his privacy and I need to respect that.” Jackie, I grew up in a home where I lived under my parents’ roof so everything under my parents’ roof belonged to my parents. My room was my parents’ and everything in my room was my parents’. While I was at school, if my mom felt the need to go through everything in my room, she did. And God used that multiple times in my life to “save me” when my parents found out about things I was hiding and doing. They were only able to find those things out as a result of going through my stuff. Yes, I may have been angry at the time, but it was for the best and I am grateful for it now.
I believe parents should have access to a kid’s phone, his passwords on his social media accounts, etc. Teenagers need that accountability. I understand parents’ hesitancy to be what they consider “too strict.” But I also know that teenagers need accountability. Teens’ brains are not developed enough to handle the responsibility and dangers that come with having access to all of these electronic devices without any accountability.
Parents also need to know that teenagers are a lot smarter than parents think they are. A kid in my youth group recently told me about his struggle with pornography. I know this teenager’s dad very well. His dad had told me months ago that they had put software on the computer to block pornographic websites. This software would also notify them if an attempt had been made to view those sites.
When the teen told me about his struggle with pornography, I asked him how he was able to access it. The teen said, “My parents don’t realize that kids know more about the computer than they do.” This kid knew his parents’ passwords and would uninstall the software in order to access the porn sites and reinstall the software after he viewed the porn.
Mistake #3: Thinking that pornography is harmless.
Because some parents don’t know the dangers of porn, they are often watching it themselves. When the kids know their parents watch porn, they then see nothing wrong with watching it themselves. Or worse still, some parents encourage their kids, especially sons, to watch it.
Our church hosted a banquet recently for the football team of a local high school. As I walked past one of the tables, I saw a dad nudge his son to get his attention. The dad then handed his cell phone to his son and showed him pornography. Even standing at a distance, I could still see the picture. Here you have an instance where not only is the father not protecting his son from pornography, but he is actually the one exposing him to it. I’m sure this father is clueless about the harmful effects of pornography.
Jackie: Are there any resources you would recommend for parents?
Youth Pastor: I would recommend the following web sites:
Faith-based
www.xxxchurch.com
www.covenanteyes.com
Non faith-based
I would encourage you to visit any of the above sites if you would like additional information regarding the negative effects of pornography.
Jackie: Final question. What can parents do?
Youth Pastor:
1. Include a discussion about pornography along with the “sex talk.”
2. Start the conversation before their child is exposed to porn.
3. Develop an open line of communication with their child so the child is willing to come to them without the fear of being judged.
I am very appreciative of this youth pastor for sharing his experiences and I hope you have found this interview beneficial. If so, please share this post with other parents. We must get a handle on this issue before we wake up to an entire generation unable to maintain healthy relationships with real people due to their experiences with pornography.
